How to Pray

especially when we don't have words

For an explanation of the immediate context (if you’re finding this organically) check out my last post. 

Praying can be tricky in the best of times, if we don’t know exactly what we should be saying or thinking. In tough times—in times of tragedy, grief, horror and confusion like the world is experiencing now—it can seem impossible. 

I’ve heard from several people in the last few day who have said they simply don’t have the words to say what is in their hearts right now, only feelings. Nothing could be more natural, in the face of the unspeakable atrocities unfolding before us in real time, but I’d like to offer some comfort for those times when we don’t have words, as well as some basic guidance to get us started for when we do.

The good news is, we don’t have to have the right words, or for that matter, any words at all. In Paul’s letter to the Romans, chapter 8 he writes: 

26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.

27 And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.

Also, in the Sermon on the Mount, which we will return to, Jesus says:

…your Father knows what you need before you ask him.

Likewise, in Psalm 139, David writes,

1 You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me.

2  You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar.

3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
    you are familiar with all my ways.

4 Before a word is on my tongue
    you, Lord, know it completely.

Because God is omniscient (all knowing) and omnipotent (all powerful), he not only knows our prayers before we speak them, but even before WE know them. And because he knows each of us deeply, and loves us profoundly, he cares, and he listens.

Psalm 116 (NIV) says,

1 I love the Lord, for he heard my voice;
    he heard my cry for mercy.

2 Because he turned his ear to me,
    I will call on him as long as I live.

I love how the NLT renders verse 2:

Because he bends down to listen,
    I will pray as long as I have breath!

(Emphasis added.)

God doesn’t just hear us, he listens to us. He doesn’t just listen, he turns his ear, inclines his head, he BENDS DOWN to listen, actively seeking and engaging with us.  

He knows our thoughts, our groans, our cries, and our praises before our brains have translated our thoughts and feelings into words, and he is paying attention. 

Does that mean we shouldn’t bother to pray? Certainly not, but if we are so burdened or overwhelmed that we cannot form the words even to plead with him, we can be confident that, turning our hearts to him, he will know the cries of our hearts, and he will care, and that is enough. 

The Simplest Prayers

Prayers don’t have to be flowery. There are no special words you have to say to make prayers “work.” We have to avoid the mindset that a certain combination or pattern of words will result in our prayers “getting answered”—that’s not a prayer; that’s an incantation.

They also don’t have to be long. The shortest prayer I’ve ever heard or uttered was “Oh God!” We might think of that as using the Lord’s name in vain (though I am not convinced that’s actually what is meant by that, at least not exclusively—topic for another time), but when a person has witnessed something tragic, frightening, or even awe-inspiring and amazing, “Oh, God” is not a curse. It is a response, a cry, and a prayer. Similarly, an earnestly spoken “Praise the Lord!”, or “God help me!” can be a prayer too.

Prayers CAN be long, and they can be beautiful. They can be crafted with artistry and care, which I’ll touch on again, but there is no requirement. In fact, in Matthew, Chapter 5, in the Sermon on the Mount, remember that Jesus says:

⁵ “And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. ⁶ But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. ⁷ And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. ⁸ Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him. (NIV)

In the very next verses, Jesus gives us what has come to be known as “The Lord’s Prayer”:

⁹ “This, then, is how you should pray:

“‘Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
¹⁰ your kingdom come,
your will be done,
    on earth as it is in heaven.
¹¹ Give us today our daily bread.
¹² And forgive us our debts,
    as we also have forgiven our debtors.
¹³ And lead us not into temptation,
    but deliver us from the evil one.’

This prayer gives us two things: a simple structure we can use to pattern or inspire our own prayers, or a prayer we can keep close to our hearts to use anytime we need it.

As an aside, you, like me, may be more familiar with this prayer in the language of the King James Version. While on the whole, it’s not the most faithful translation, it is undeniably beautiful, and I will probably never pray it in any way but that because I love it, but there’s not an “ultimately correct” version. The “thees” and “thines” are pretty, but they’re not magic.

Praying extemporaneously

With my church background, extemporaneous prayer (a prayer in our own words, that we don’t plan) was always considered the norm, with the only real exception being the Lord’s Prayer. That type of prayer can be a wonderful outpouring of the heart, and as we grow in our relationship with Jesus, we may find ourselves praying this way throughout our day, in constant communication and communion with God. This is right and beautiful, and frankly, will change your life.

This may not feel possible when we are overwhelmed. Sometimes, we really are stunned into speechlessness. Sometimes there are no sufficient words in our vocabulary. But if the problem is simply that we don’t feel like we have the “right” words, well, I’m just going to give you permission to put that thought to bed. Because God already knows your heart and mind, better even that we know ourselves, there’s no reason to hold back or force ourselves into eloquence. Just pour out your heart, and if that feels too vulnerable or scary, you can start by asking the Holy Spirit to help you, ask God to unburden you, and help you unleash the prayers that are burning inside you. Remember, we are God’s children, and He WANTS to hear from us. He wants us to lay it all down at His feet, the good, the bad, and the ugly; the trivial and the mundane, the dark and the tragic. He can sanctify (make holy) our every thought.

Prayers written by others

We talked about the Lord’s Prayer, but there are other prayers written by others that we can also read or memorize to pray, whether we are having trouble putting our thoughts into words, or simply because they capture the heart of our needs. The scriptures are full of prayers! Consider the Psalms. Many of them are written specifically as prayers, but any of the 150 Psalms can be prayed, and you’ll find other prayers throughout the Old and New Testaments, as well as sections of scripture that weren’t written as such, but work beautifully.

Catholics and Anglicans, for example, might recite the Magnificat, also known as the Canticle of Mary or the Ode of the Theotokos, which is actually what Mary, the mother of Jesus said when she went to visit Elizabeth and to tell her she was pregnant and carrying the Messiah in Luke chapter 1:

⁴⁶ And Mary said:

“My soul glorifies the Lord
⁴⁷     and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
⁴⁸ for he has been mindful
    of the humble state of his servant.
From now on all generations will call me blessed,
⁴⁹     for the Mighty One has done great things for me—
    holy is his name.
⁵⁰ His mercy extends to those who fear him,
    from generation to generation.
⁵¹ He has performed mighty deeds with his arm;
    he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts.
⁵² He has brought down rulers from their thrones
    but has lifted up the humble.
⁵³ He has filled the hungry with good things
    but has sent the rich away empty.
⁵⁴ He has helped his servant Israel,
    remembering to be merciful
⁵⁵ to Abraham and his descendants forever,
    just as he promised our ancestors.”

These are beautiful and timeless words of worship, statements of faith, and a recounting of the ways that God has been, and will be, faithful. It can be sung, and in fact is considered a song, but singing or chanting prayers is an ancient and Biblical practice, too.

You may also find prayers written by others outside of the Bible. For some, that may send up a quick alarm, but I’m not talking about treating any text outside of the Bible as scripture. As long as prayers are biblically sound and you pray them intentionally, not allowing them to become rote or automatic, it is completely acceptable to prayer prayers found in devotional texts, poems, prayer books, liturgies, and songs.

I am new to prayer books, but have recently begun to use the Book of Common Prayer used in Anglican traditions (Church of England, Episcopal, and Anglican churches), but also commonly (lol) used by people from all denominations, because—well, they’re just so good. I need a whole post on the “collects” in the BCP, but for our purposes, it’s enough to know that a collect (pronounced call-ekt, not like we would pronounce the word for gathering something together) is a short prayer with a specific structure, and the BCP has one or more for almost any occasion.

Here are some of the collects I’ve shared recently as we have been praying for the situation in Israel:

For times of scarcity or famine (and I think it applies well here)

O God, our heavenly Father, whose blessed Son has taught us to seek our daily bread from you: Behold the affliction of your people, and send us swift aid in our(their) time of need. Increase the fruits of the earth by your heavenly benediction; and grant that we, receiving your gifts with thankful hearts, may use them to your glory, for the relief of those in need, and for our own health; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

For the peace of the world

Eternal God, in whose perfect kingdom no sword is drawn but the sword of righteousness, no strength known but the strength of love: So mightily spread abroad your Spirit that all peoples may be gathered under the banner of the Prince of Peace; to whom be dominion and glory, now and forever. Amen.

For those in armed forces or conflict

Almighty God, we commend to your gracious care and keeping all the men and women of the armed forces at home and abroad. Defend them day by day with our heavenly grace; strengthen them in their trials and temptations; give them courage to face the perils which beset them; and grant them a sense of your abiding presence wherever they may be; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

For our enemies

O God, Creator of all, whose Son commanded us to love our enemies: Lead them and us from prejudice to truth; deliver them and us from hatred, cruelty, and revenge; and in your good time, enable us all to stand reconciled before you in Jesus Christ; in whose name we pray. Amen.

I’ll share more in the coming days, but you can also get your hands on your own BCP. Mine is the 2019 ACNA version, which can be found here as a free download: https://bcp2019.anglicanchurch.net/index.php/downloads/ or purchased here, if you want a physical copy: https://anglicanhousepublishers.org/anglican-liturgy-press/.

There are also older and different versions you can find if you go looking. This just happens to be the one my church uses, and I find the language modern and accessible, but still beautiful.

Writing your own prayers

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, you don’t have to say anything special or particular to pray. You certainly aren’t required to craft a masterpiece of piety and prose. But we should not discount the gift of creativity, or the appreciation of beauty. For some, writing prayers can add an additional layer of worship as we labor joyfully over the written word. We can write our prayers in a journal, like a letter to God; we can write a prayer as a hymn or a poem, and sing or recite it aloud; we can even write like the Psalmists, in prayer, praise or lament, with a rhythm and pattern of our choosing or modeled after those in scriptures.

You can simply sit down and put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard), or you can use prayers from scripture as a format. The Lord’s Prayer is the perfect place to start. Jesus gave us a pattern we can follow when we pray.

1. It starts with worship and honor:

Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name

2. It continues with a petition for God to fulfill His will in our realm, and a reminder that one day His Kingdom will come earth—

your kingdom come,
your will be done,
    on earth as it is in heaven.

3. Then follows a request for provision—

Give us today our daily bread.

4. Next is a plea for forgiveness and a promise that we, too, will forgive—

And forgive us our debts,
    as we also have forgiven our debtors.

5. And it ends with asking God to protect us from the things that would tempt us to evil, and from the source of evil itself—

And lead us not into temptation,
    but deliver us from the evil one.’

It need not be in this order, or done precisely, but as an example, our version might look something like this:

1. Dear Heavenly Father, You are so good to me, and I love to worship You because you are Holy.

2. I look forward to the day when you bring your kingdom down to earth, and all suffering will cease; but even today I pray that your will would be done in my life and in the world.

3. I don’t know how I’m going to get through this day without you. Will you please give me the strength I need to do whatever it is that you would ask of me? I know I can’t do it on my own.

4. Father, with your help, I’ll forgive those people who have hurt me and let go of any grudges. Please forgive me for my lack of faith, the harsh words I’ve spoken, the ways I’ve ignored your direction in my life, and all the other ways I’ve strayed from your will for me.

5. Please strengthen me when I feel tempted to gossip or have a sharp comeback, and instead teach me to honor you with my words and thoughts. Please protect me both from the evil I’m capable of doing, and from those who intend evil for me.

You may notice that we are used to concluding the prayer with something that is absent here:

For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, forever. Amen.

I really don’t want to get in the weeds here—ok that is a lie, I definitely do, but I really don’t need this to be any longer—but briefly, this is included in the KJV but not in most other translations. Most scholars agree it isn’t actually there in the original text, but was probably included for use in the liturgy (which means the format of the church service), because it is actually a doxology. I know. All the words. A doxology is a type of praise that is often recited at the end of prayers or hymns. There are many doxologies used in worship and prayer, and you can definitely add one that is commonly in use, but for our purposes, we will simply adapt it and end with words of praise, which gives us point number 6.

6. All of this is possible because the world is yours, and you made it. You deserve all of our praise, and love, and worship. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

In case the idea of writing an artistic prayer feels wrong in light of what Jesus said about praying like hypocrites or babbling like pagans (sick burn, by the way), keep in mind that He is referring to people trying to impress other humans, acting like they’re somehow more righteous because they use fancier words. Creating something lovely to honor God is a timeless form of worship, and as long as that is the posture of your heart, it will honor Him.

Carrying on

The purpose of sharing these thoughts with you is to make it easier to pray, not harder. We can take comfort in the fact that God hears our prayers before we utter them, and even if we can’t put them into words. We can follow Jesus’ guidance by praying without trying to impress, in our own simple prayers, or using the words of the Lord’s prayer, which he gave us. We can pour out our hearts in unplanned prayer, as we converse freely with God throughout the day, or in times of need. We can pray the prayers found in the scriptures of the old and new testaments, or the biblically sound words of others, with earnest hearts. And we can write our own prayers in the pattern of the Lord’s Prayer, or in free-flowing verse or other creative expression.

Any of these ways will delight God, if they allow us to come to him in prayer. It’s our hearts that He really wants: our hopes and desires, our fears and regrets, our worship and praise, or our regret and lament. He can take your pain, anger, heartache, and grief. He does not need to be protected from your innermost thoughts. Just go to Him, and be free.

A closing prayer

Dear Heavenly Father,

You, the God who created the universe and everything in it, gave us the right to come to you in prayer through the sacrifice of your own Son on the cross. And so, we ask You to bend down your ear toward us and listen to our humble prayers, and to listen to the cries of our hearts that we cannot put into words.

Allow us to glorify You with our thoughts, our words, our creativity, and our praise, and teach us to pray like Jesus, to bring our every need to you, and to rely on you to answer our prayers in the ways that are best for us.

The world feels dark, but we know You that one day you will restore it fully, and everything in it will be used to glorify you. Please give us a taste of that future hope today, and let us have confidence in your goodness, and the certain hope of Christ’s return and our resurrection and eternal life.

Please, forgive us for the things we have tried to handle on our own, instead of coming to you in prayer, and give us the grace to forgive others when they sin differently from us. Turn our hearts to you every day, and let our lives reflect your light into the world, so that other hearts will follow.

You are God, YHWH, Father, Redeemer, and Lord. There is no end to your righteousness.

In Jesus’ Name and for his sake, AMEN.

P.S.

Laments are another form of prayer present in the Bible, that convey sorrow, sometimes anger, and plead for God to act. We can write them ourselves, and they can be really cathartic. If you want to hear a great sermon on laments, including how to write them, this one, given by Father John Roberts is really helpful, and from my own little church, in my own little town (on my own little wedding anniversary, a fun little thing I just caught.)